Why do you think the dynamics change when you are in a relationship? It sounds like you are able to take responsibility for yourself when you are on your own, but when you begin to partner, you start to take responsibility for their needs first?

Maya, I think that a good place to start is to tune into yourself and really listen. Of course it’s okay to respect your wants and needs, AND you can also be open to experiencing another human being without having an agenda or expectations. Sometimes, we can be surprised and learn more about ourselves by remaining open. For example, one of my clients had an agenda that she would never want a dog in her home because she loved having a clean home. She stayed open, however, and met a wonderful man with a dog and she ended up falling in love with his dog too! They now all happily live in her home which she realized could even be clean with a dog.

Thank you for your post it is very informative I found you because I was asking myself the same question how can I be more present and experience intimacy -connection without being in fear of getting hurt going through my check list of expectations.
I am still trying to clarify where the line between expressing my needs and respecting my wants aka “agenda” ends and where the being surprised-being open …too open? -without expectations begins?
I am lost in questioning
As a women it is very important and healthy for us to have certain expectations/types/needs met but also in search of real compability and connection we also need to be spontaneous and present…
I am turning 42 and so far my expectations got in the way in bringing me unavailable men who are financially stable and work a lot. I realize this now and am independent financially and do care of myself well.
I just dont think that my next connection needs to be just about anybody
-without taking into considerations “agendas” either.
Help?